Funny Quotes

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?
My greatest fear is there is no PMS, and this is just my personality.
This home isn't under construction, kids just live here.
A positive attitude may not solve all problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth it.
Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids.
Age doesn't matter unless you are cheese.
I only speak for myself, and not the other voices in my head.
Learn to laugh at yourself for a lifetime of free entertainment.
Put on your big girl panties and figure it out.
Crafts are cheaper than therapy.
I only golf on days that end with Y.
I start working when the caffeine does!
I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.
Our family tree is full of nuts!
Well behaved women rarely make history.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything!
Housework won't kill you, but why take a chance?
My house was clean last week - sorry you missed it.
Everybody brings joy to this house, some when they enter, and some when they leave.
First God created Man, and then he had a better idea
Gardeners Play Dirty
I've been on a diet for two weeks, and all I've lost is two weeks.
How can I miss you if you don't leave?
Give me patience, but please hurry.
Will work if necessary
Old Enough to know better, too old to care.
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
Seen it, done, it, can't remember most of it.
Aged to perfection.
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